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| "this is wild" "omg, wow" "it thought ur voidwalker was small and flying there no clue why" |
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| "made ur voidwalker a dragon here why a dragon?" |
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| "again gets voidwalker wrong I love the frogs they capture neopets/wow" "True... I like this one the best with the 2nd voidwalker, lol" |
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| "No, that one's the best! xD" |
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| "♥" "No, that one is! xD" |
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| "this one ur frogs in armor battles with u?" "That's kinda cute, lol" |
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| "muh voidwalker iz dead!" "ai is odd but it tries" |
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| "ok, really going to bed now for reals gnight!" "xD" |
I never grieved the loss of an actual person so hard before. I totally forgot about this bullshit because of the distraction. When I came to (because I was being shocked into yet another breakup after many years of a pact not to), the punishment had already begun. Never occurred to me that someone who dealt with a severe amount of grief would take advantage of it off of someone else. I thought what we had was love and that things had gotten better for many years prior. Then I remembered more and more of what was put on hold while I had let myself trust. I had been betrayed. Don't be fooled; pushing someone away, instead of being accountable and standing by them with support - is not actually love. The pillar who wanted me to rely on them for so long, and who I was so proud of, suddenly revealed themselves to be nothing more than a disappointing facade, illusion, mirage, and useless addiction.
- Narcissist: an individual characterized by an excessive preoccupation with themselves, their own needs, and their own image, often at the expense of others. While the term is often used casually to describe someone who is arrogant or self-centered, in a clinical context, it refers to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a mental health condition marked by an unreasonably high sense of importance, a deep need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for those around them.
Key traits associated with narcissism include:
- Grandiosity: An exaggerated sense of self-importance and a belief that one is special or unique.
- Need for Admiration: A constant requirement for excessive attention, praise, and validation.
- Lack of Empathy: An inability or unwillingness to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Entitlement: Unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
- Exploitation: A tendency to take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
Behind the mask of extreme confidence, narcissists often struggle with fragile self-esteem and are easily upset by criticism, which they may perceive as personal attacks.
- Narcissism is not something one is born with, but rather develops through a complex interplay of genetics, neurobiology, and early childhood environment. The most significant factor is attachment trauma or emotional neglect during early development (often before age 5), where a child fails to receive adequate empathy or secure bonding. This lack of emotional mirroring forces the child to construct a grandiose false self as a defense mechanism to cope with deep-seated insecurity and pain.
Three primary developmental pathways contribute to this outcome:
- Emotional Neglect and Abuse: Severe trauma, abuse, or inconsistent parenting prevents the child from developing empathy, leading them to view others as tools for survival rather than separate individuals.
- Overvaluation and Overindulgence: Children who are excessively praised for superficial traits (appearance, status) without realistic feedback or emotional warmth may develop an inflated sense of entitlement and superiority.
- Genetic Predisposition: While not the sole cause, inherited traits such as an oversensitive temperament or specific brain structures can increase vulnerability, acting as a catalyst when combined with adverse environmental factors.
Ultimately, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is understood as a maladaptive coping strategy formed in infancy or early childhood, where the individual becomes stuck in a state of inability to integrate both positive and negative aspects of themselves and others, resulting in a rigid, self-centered worldview.
- Covert narcissism is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and a constant need for admiration that is hidden behind a facade of humility, shyness, or victimhood. Unlike overt narcissists who are openly grandiose and attention-seeking, covert narcissists internalize their traits, manifesting as vulnerable, introverted, or self-deprecating individuals who are hypersensitive to criticism.
Key distinctions include:
- Hidden Grandiosity: They maintain the same core narcissistic traits as overt types—such as lack of empathy, entitlement, and self-absorption—but express them through subtle manipulation rather than direct boasting.
- Manipulation Tactics: They often use passive-aggressive behavior, guilt-tripping, silent treatment, and martyrdom to control others and secure the validation they crave.
- Fragile Self-Esteem: Driven by deep-seated shame and insecurity, they may fish for compliments or play the victim to receive reassurance, making their narcissism difficult to spot until significant relationship damage occurs.
- Vulnerable narcissism, also known as covert narcissism, is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by introversion, hypersensitivity, and emotional fragility, contrasting with the overt grandiosity of typical narcissists. While these individuals harbor an internal sense of entitlement and superiority, they mask it behind a façade of humility, shyness, or self-pity to protect their fragile ego.
Key traits include:
- Hypersensitivity to Criticism: They interpret even mild feedback as a personal attack, often reacting with defensiveness, withdrawal, or passive-aggressive behavior rather than direct confrontation.
- Chronic Victimhood: They frequently position themselves as misunderstood or mistreated to garner sympathy, validation, and attention while deflecting responsibility for their actions.
- Passive-Aggression: Instead of open hostility, they use subtle tactics like the silent treatment, procrastination, veiled criticism, or feigning forgetfulness to punish others or assert control.
- Hidden Envy and Resentment: They often feel deep envy toward others’ success, which they mask with subtle digs or by framing their own lack of achievement as a result of external injustice or lack of appreciation.
- Need for Indirect Validation: Rather than openly boasting, they fish for compliments through self-deprecation or by emphasizing their hardships, seeking reassurance that they are special or superior without appearing arrogant.
These individuals often struggle with emotional instability, low self-esteem, and a lack of genuine empathy, using their perceived vulnerability to manipulate relationships and maintain a sense of control over those around them.
- Women who are not motivated by financial gain are often attracted to narcissists due to psychological conditioning, empathy, and the initial charm displayed during courtship.
Early Stage Charm and Mirroring
Narcissists often appear confident, charming, and magnetic in the beginning, traits that society typically finds attractive in partners. They engage in "love bombing," intensely mirroring a partner’s interests and making them feel uniquely special and valued. This creates an intoxicating initial connection that feels like deep intimacy, causing victims to overlook early red flags because the experience matches their idealized fantasies of romance.
Psychological Triggers and Trauma
Many women are drawn to narcissists due to unresolved childhood trauma or having been raised by a narcissistic parent, leading them to subconsciously seek out familiar, albeit dysfunctional, relationship dynamics. Individuals with high empathy or low self-esteem are particularly vulnerable, as narcissists exploit these traits by demanding exclusive attention and validating the partner only when they comply. This dynamic creates a trauma bond, where the intermittent reinforcement of affection and withdrawal is mistakenly interpreted as passion or deep connection.
Codependency and Self-Worth
Codependent tendencies or a strong need to please others can make a woman an ideal target, as narcissists seek partners who will facilitate their self-centered needs without demanding reciprocity. Some women are also attracted to the perceived strength or success of a narcissist, viewing themselves as capable of "fixing" or supporting their partner. This attraction is often reinforced by gaslighting, which causes the victim to question their own reality and stay invested in the relationship to regain the initial validation.
- Narcissistic fuel, also known as narcissistic supply, is the attention, admiration, validation, and emotional reactions that a narcissist compulsively seeks from others to maintain their inflated self-image and prop up a fragile sense of self-esteem. It functions as the essential sustenance for their "false self," allowing them to feel powerful, superior, and in control while avoiding deep-seated feelings of shame, emptiness, or inadequacy.
This fuel can be derived from two primary sources:
- Positive Supply: Admiration, praise, adoration, flattery, and validation.
- Negative Supply: Fear, anger, submission, tears, humiliation, and even pity, which some experts argue provides a more potent sense of control.
The term is often used interchangeably with narcissistic supply, a concept introduced by psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel in 1938, though "fuel" emphasizes the addictive, consumptive nature of the need. Narcissists view others not as people but as sources of emotional energy to fill a psychic void, often engaging in manipulative behaviors to extract this fuel regardless of the harm caused to the provider.
- Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used to lure a person back into a toxic or abusive relationship after they have attempted to leave or create distance. Named after the vacuum cleaner brand, the term metaphorically describes the abuser’s attempt to "suck" their former partner back in to regain control and restore their source of narcissistic supply.
This behavior is commonly associated with narcissistic personality disorder and other cluster B personality disorders, though it can occur in various abusive dynamics. It typically follows a period of devaluation or discard and involves strategies such as love bombing, gaslighting, gift-giving, feigning crises, or making false promises of change to exploit the victim's vulnerabilities and trauma bonds.
Unlike genuine reconciliation, which involves sustained behavioral change over time, hoovering is a reactive maneuver triggered by the abuser’s fear of abandonment, loss of control, or ego preservation. It is not a clinically recognized diagnosis but is widely used in psychology to describe this specific pattern of emotional abuse and coercive control.
- Love bombing is a manipulative tactic and form of emotional abuse where an individual overwhelms another with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery to gain control and create dependency. While it often mimics the intense early stages of romance, it is characterized by incongruent intensity, rapid pressure for commitment, and a disregard for the recipient’s boundaries.
Key characteristics include:
- Overwhelming gestures: Constant texting, lavish gifts, and declarations of being "soulmates" very early in the relationship.
- Coercive control: Using affection to isolate the victim from friends and family or to make them feel indebted.
- Abuse cycle: It typically serves as the "idealization" phase in a cycle of abuse that often progresses to devaluation and discard.
Although sometimes used benignly in therapeutic contexts (e.g., helping troubled children), in romantic and social dynamics it is widely recognized as a red flag for narcissistic abuse, cult recruitment, or coercive control.
- Narcissists turn the tables on victims by employing a suite of manipulative tactics designed to shift blame, distort reality, and maintain control. These methods include gaslighting to undermine the victim's perception of reality, lying to cover up misconduct, and shifting blame to avoid accountability. They frequently use triangulation by recruiting third parties to validate their false narrative and isolate the victim.
Key strategies include:
- Projection: Accusing the victim of the very toxic behaviors the narcissist is exhibiting, such as cheating or lying.
- Baiting and Reactive Abuse: Provoking the victim into an emotional reaction to then portray the victim as the aggressor or "crazy" person.
- Smear Campaigns: Spreading gossip and lies to friends, family, and colleagues to damage the victim's reputation and gain sympathy for themselves.
- Minimizing and Denial: Dismissing the victim's concerns as oversensitivity or denying events occurred entirely to invalidate the victim's experience.
- Playing the Victim: Positioning themselves as the injured party in response to confrontation, often using past hardships to excuse current wrongdoing.
- These tactics effectively reverse the dynamic, making the actual victim feel guilty, confused, and responsible for the narcissist's behavior.
- When a narcissist says they are tired, it is typically a manipulative tactic rather than a genuine expression of physical fatigue. This phrase is often used to shut down arguments, avoid accountability, or elicit sympathy through what experts call the "pity ploy."
Key meanings and functions include:
- Avoidance and Deflection: They use tiredness to escape difficult conversations or responsibilities, expecting you to pander to their needs while offering no empathy in return.
- Control and Exhaustion: By claiming exhaustion, they may intentionally keep you emotionally drained and unable to fight back, making you easier to manipulate and control.
- Victimhood and Competition: They may frame themselves as the victim to one-up your struggles, turning your concerns into a competition where their fatigue is deemed more significant.
- Devaluation: In some contexts, saying they are "tired of pretending" or "tired of fighting" signals that they are devaluing you or the relationship, often preceding a discard phase.
Ultimately, this language serves to center their experience while invalidating yours, creating an environment where you feel guilty for having your own needs or for challenging their behavior.
- No, narcissists generally do not understand love in the healthy, unconditional way most people experience it. Psychological research and expert analysis indicate that individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) lack the emotional empathy required to form deep, genuine bonds with others.
Instead of reciprocal affection, narcissists experience love as transactional and conditional, often viewing partners as sources of validation, status, or "narcissistic supply." Their version of love is frequently a projection of their own fantasies, where they fall in love with an idealized image of a person rather than the individual's authentic self.
Key characteristics of narcissistic love include:
- Lack of Empathy: They cannot genuinely feel or prioritize their partner's emotional needs, making their care superficial and self-serving.
- Idealization and Devaluation: They may engage in love-bombing during the initial stages, but this shifts to criticism or abandonment when the partner fails to meet their expectations or stops providing admiration.
- Entitlement: They often view love as something they are owed, expecting constant attention and compliance without offering mutual respect or compromise.
- Cognitive vs. Emotional Empathy: While they may intellectually understand emotions (cognitive empathy) and use this to manipulate, they do not feel their partner's pain or joy (emotional empathy).
Ultimately, while narcissists may believe they are in love, their capacity for connection is limited by their inability to see others as separate individuals with independent worth.
- No, there is no cure for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Medical consensus from sources like the Mayo Clinic and WebMD confirms that NPD is a lifelong condition characterized by deeply ingrained personality patterns that cannot be eradicated through medication or surgery.
However, symptoms can be effectively managed and improved through specialized psychotherapy. While complete elimination of narcissistic traits is unlikely, evidence-based treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help individuals develop self-awareness, empathy, and healthier relationship dynamics. Medications may also be prescribed to address co-occurring conditions like anxiety or depression, but they do not treat NPD directly.
- Discarding the narcissist's discard (often called the "final discard") refers to the survivor’s decisive act of going no contact and refusing to engage with the narcissist’s abandonment, which is a critical step in breaking the cycle of abuse. While the narcissist initiates the discard to devalue the survivor and seek new supply, the survivor’s refusal to beg, plead, or respond denies the narcissist the narcissistic supply they crave, effectively ending their control.
Key dynamics of this process include:
- Denial of Supply: Narcissists discard partners when they no longer provide adequate validation; by not reacting, the survivor removes the emotional fuel the narcissist relies on.
- Reclaiming Agency: Taking the initiative to discard the relationship transforms the survivor from a passive victim into an active agent, disrupting the idealize-devalue-discard cycle.
- Risk of Retaliation: Discarding a narcissist first may trigger narcissistic injury, potentially leading to smear campaigns or attempts to punish the survivor for rejecting their control.
- Healing Imperative: Success requires strict no contact (no texts, social media checks, or conversations) to allow for neurological and emotional recovery from the trauma bond.
He never recovered from attempting to strangle me. I matched his hands on my throat with my hands on his while I "saw" Erik getting mad in the background (I was still grieving). Long story short, my nervous system fucking works. It was never my intention not to come back by for a year; it must've been a total subconscious decision since the original act was never addressed with any actual accountability. But no shit, I mean, would you have?
And because my nervous system was lit from remembering things like Erik, it started remembering other shit too that I believe he told me to forget and temporarily did. Depending on how you look at it, the relationship either proudly lasted 15+ years, or we wasted each other's time for 15+ years. And don't get me wrong, this is not constant complaining that I'm trying to do here. I'm just recognizing and paying homage to the patterns IDK why I forgot. Or maybe wanted to forget. In a blend of not dissociating and reintegrating things temporarily put on the back burner. And I did keep telling myself this was some sort of ultimate game to win, even tho love was never a game; the NPD BS was. I really tried but was no match for it.
- He would never come to visit me; I always had to go visit him. I couldn't park in his driveway at first, even tho there was room. I had to use nearby public parking. And I could only visit him on certain days and at certain times because he was avoiding his "aunt" somehow checking on him and discovering that he wasn't taking care of his grandpa... so he could properly inherit the house on a non-contested default. It exists. And the statute of limitations has long passed.
- One time, a young lady came up to the back door while I was smoking, and she started talking to me. He abruptly chased her away with a lot of unnecessary anger and force. The kind he said he used with his grandpa because his grandpa was too old to hear him. Horrifying. Then apologized to me afterward and proceeded to drill me on what was said. I couldn't tell you what that actual conversation consisted of; it was so many years ago, but I was very into being positively upbeat, and I do remember her looking me dead in the eye and saying, "He'll do it to you too."
- When he did finally let me start parking in the driveway, there was this one time I thought we were just looking at the bushes and plants at the back of the property by where the public parking was. He told me to "stand right there." I did. He came back a few moments later and revealed to me that he was confronted by this lady and her mom at the edge of his driveway in a white car ...and that some liquid almost ended up on the back of my car, but he saved me from having to deal with that.
- He would always be checking the window to see who was driving by into the cul-de-sac. He had the bushes removed from in front of his bedroom window ...I guess so nobody could hide in them. And he told me that this lady used to feed the neighbor's dogs ...I guess so he wouldn't know she was coming. Very sad.
- Alternatively, there is this one specific lady whose name starts with a "Z" that I liked for some reason. I'm guessing it was because of how he phrased her to me, and I wanted to seem like an open-minded Pagan. He told me one day that I needed to leave because she would be coming over to clean his house. I was glad I was successful in getting him to tell me these things. But I did request that they not have sex - or at least not tell me about it. He complained, of course. But to the best of my recollection, this particular woman never bothered me. I tried to be open and work with him. I never heard of anything like that again. Maybe it got squelched by the time I decided to do it myself with some other guy, LOL. No clue.
- He used to get very angry all the time and look for any excuse to break up with me.
- One time I decided to take my mother's advice and not respond to him at all for doing so. He immediately called back the next week or less.
- Then one time, after another breakup, I was reading about narcissists on the internet. Oh, I scoured for this shit. Everything on the internet about narcissists tells you terminology and how to survive walking away from it. They never tell you how to keep the unhealthy/toxic relationship intact, for likely obvious reasons. I came across some poor person's blog that explained my same situation and that their foolproof method was "discarding the discard." That became my ace in the hole. And I didn't even realize that I had already previously used that method, just not quite so extensively...
- He broke up with me yet again, and I discarded the discard. No contact. No chase. I think I even let him respond, chase, and suffer for a few days before I finally returned his communication. And I seemed to have turned the tables of power. There was no reason for him to be that angry at me to begin with anyway. But I turned it from his demands to my demands. Because I fucking mattered, and this should never have been all about him. He complied. I came over. He wanted to know how I did that. I stupidly told him, thinking that maybe we could change the dynamic for the better. He wanted a countermove and suggested, "break up for a year." That made me cry, and I told him it was cruel because there's no way out of that. He proceeded to tell me that he had done that with multiple women, and even went so far as to brag about how they thanked him for shaping their lives better. I was absolutely repulsed. These women just willingly became this objectified tool. But any time I even so much as flinched to hint at showing emotion, he began taunting me, "break up for a year," as if that were going to happen right then and there. He just wanted to torture me. He tried to ask me for any other solution. I had none, other than to ask him to pretend everything was ok and maybe go covert (I don't think I understood the terminology properly at the time). So he said he would save his get-out-of-jail-free card for later. And he fucking used it this time.
- Because of a multitude of things, I confronted him, and we made this pact to take each other seriously and never break up again. It lasted several years. I forgot that he was still narcissistic. I trusted him. And then I got distracted by grief and forgot that there was this idiotic game that we somehow still needed to play.
- One time this pact almost got broken because I made the mistake of saying that I didn't love him anymore. I am a stupid parrot of what my parents said and did to each other. I didn't mean that I didn't love him when I said that. I said it because it was supposed to be an empty threat wake up call. It made me cry so very fucking much when I said it. He did eventually forgive me, but I was stupid enough to have accidentally said it again.
- According to him, we are now broken up for a year, with the consolation prize of the potential to maybe be online friends. Quite the shock and a 180 from what I last remember before grieving. Broken up with via text. No possibility of talking. No point in texting. He's "tired" of me. Insisted on only texting in the prior months to this breakup. He felt inaccessible to me while I was grieving. Not allowed to mourn. And, yes, this was the part where I parroted what my parents said and did because I was overwhelmed and then went to work. I owned it and tried to fix it, but it was too late. He was also obviously pissed and thought I was just using him to play WoW because him paying for it was part of his love-bombing, hoovering, whatthefuckever. And I stupidly parroted how some guy left me a note on my car back in the day and a relationship developed from it. He was offended by me leaving him a note asking for us to play WoW again, thinking I was stalking him + only for a fucking game, I guess. I honestly thought WoW could be a gateway back to us because he pulled me from SL to WoW for some years now. Nope. He didn't believe me. Made sense only to me, even when I followed his original advice on keeping myself busy with online games while trying to recover from things like grief because I agreed with him that it was healthy. I only enjoyed playing WoW because it was with him - I don't fucking care to play it now because it's too painful. All my toons were like our children. Continually leaving or booting me from the guild he made just for the 2 of us sucked. And I was going to get into the WoW housing until he decided to just pick up and leave to some far-off distant neighborhood... all too close to the real-life pain of only being able to move in with him after I cleaned out his grandpa's room, so that we could potentially sleep... separately... all while somehow trusting him to not throw away my housing that it took 20 years to earn after being homeless. KMN
- He gave me his grandmother's ring, and I had it when we broke up. My birthday was included in that breakup; very sad. He later called me and said I was going to meet him at the Denny's parking lot, not say anything, not touch him, and just hand him the ring. I did just that. I must've been shaking when I did that. And I guess because I followed everything correctly, he decided to take me inside to have a breakup in person (as he restricted it somehow to only text or something lame). I did go in to have food. We did talk. It wasn't so bad. We ended up laughing and having a pretty good time. He even had them bring over cake for my birthday. We confused the staff too because they didn't know exactly what we were celebrating, and when we told them a breakup and laughed, it was mildly amusing.
- He did give his grandmother's ring back to me. And I froze it in a binding spell because I was tired of this shit. He asked for it back, and I eventually did give it back. I had to wait for my frustration to build enough to not want all these frozen binding spells in the freezer, melting and getting all sticky every time the electricity went out in the summer. I was supposed to dispose of that stuff properly by running water, like a river. I did not. Because I believed in intent. Don't ever do that. Nobody is ever that fucking perfect. And it makes everything go to hell because you're somehow disrespectful. I'm going to correct that soon, when I feel motivated enough.
- When I gave him his grandmother's ring back this time, a few months later, he proposed to me and gave me back that ring along with his mother's. There's another ring in there with a note that says which ring was whose, but I did end up burying everything to cleanse whatever bad energy could have possibly come from. He has been given an opportunity to dig them up and reclaim them on our anniversary; don't worry.
- He told me that "Z" lady had the engagement rings too at one point, but she seemed to have fucked it up by mailing them to his dad. Every time we got into some argument, he would always tell me to throw the rings away. I'm a very literal person. I had no idea that was supposed to be some common metaphor. Apparently, kind-hearted people do not wish for family heirlooms of women who are no longer living to be thrown away, but to be returned to their proper place. But it's a punishable offense because he doesn't want to talk to his family. I made the mistake of coming back from my grief distraction and being caught off guard - but only in contacting the family. The opposite game is very daunting. His family took a long time to respond. And by then, he had already talked to me, told me he would pick them up in a parking lot on very specific days, and only with a day's notice. And, of course, he got pissed because of the timing and assumed I was trying to keep him from the rings. JFC, I've timelessly proven that I would rather have him than the rings. For now, they belong to the Earth, tho. Let it absorb all the pain.
I chose my path long ago. I wanted very badly to believe that love could fix everything. I barely graduated early because of this. And I never got a college degree or mechanics certificate for the same reasons. So I have the salt-of-the-earth path and have accepted it. He also never got a college degree because he was left to take care of his dying mother. My parents throw money around like it somehow buys love or happiness. He did the same thing with me when he didn't need to. And encouraged it by relentlessly telling me things like that it was us against the world; that it was our house; and that no matter how much we fight, we always end up back together. Little things too, like pointing out how he read other people to me, which would reinforce the idea of how we were somehow so much better.
We're not. Love doesn't conquer all. Not when you invest in someone so broken that neither of you can even recognize it - or do prefer to be fooled. I don't believe in the sunk cost fallacy because I'm tenacious to a debilitating degree. But I can see, from sharing with you, that there's no point to anything anymore. However, perhaps you can at least either save yourself from the experience, or become wiser if you choose to play with fire too. At least I am able to give you my love in that.
